We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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