If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
