You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
