Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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