Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
