I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
