Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
