"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i think my cat just said my name.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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