you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
