i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
