so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
