She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
