Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
