please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize