we made out on top of his cat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize