omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
