its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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