wanna go halves on a baby?
i barfeds in our rink
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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