All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
