i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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