in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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