Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We're too hungover to prance.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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