if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
