it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
