Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
