No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
