Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
