This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize