Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
