I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize