who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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