just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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