I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
