"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
