My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize