you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
