after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
