vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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