Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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