a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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