Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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