Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
