I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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