Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
