I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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