Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
