Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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