New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
