What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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