Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
