Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
