i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
