quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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