Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize