Your tits are I can't wait for
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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