Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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