That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
