started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
