Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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