In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
nutella sex= disaster
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Threesome in a minivan. New low
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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