she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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