Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
