It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
