it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
