if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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