left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
