I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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